Unicorn Auditions


If you’re a unicorn now, who will be you?

The basic story (emphasis on basic and that means really, really basic) was in place. Is in place. Much of getting beyond basic depended on who was playing the lead character.

A few possums tried out. This was the girlUnicornfirst one.

Reluctantly, I allowed a girl to audition and was pleased to discover that a girl was exactly who the lead character should be.

Unfortunately, the girl who tried out, while right in so many ways, was wrong in the critical ones. You can see for yourself.

I will keep looking.



13 thoughts on “Unicorn Auditions

  1. I’m leaning toward the possum, because nobody ever writes stories about possums. But the girl is way cuter. Especially her nose and those overalls. I would totally read a story about her. But the possum… that is so something too… I’m going to go dwell on this.

    • Thank you for you submission. We will put it directly onto our slush pile and get back to you as promptly as possible. You are urged to resist contacting us, no matter how many months or years pass because we are trying to use our monster paintings currently on file instead of asking our monster painter to try again, this time with a possum instead of a child.

      Dwelling, however, seems like a very good use of your time. That is something we DO encourage.

  2. Might I suggest you use a turkey? I have 7 + 2 that are absolutely leading man/unicorn candidates…..they are currently able to read for the part and I would gladly supply glitter for their horn. They are quite colorful, make sounds that a unicorn might make…and…..well, except for the poop factor, they come really cheap.

    • Oh, you can suggest all you want but you fool me NOT. Except that glitter does tempt. (You, by the way, make an excellent agent. If I didn’t know better, they’d be at the top of my casting list. I do, though, know better.) Ha.

      • If I provided transportation for them to audition would that be an encouragement? It is close to Thanksgiving and they could really use a diversion. I might even throw in a skunk or raccoon.

  3. I love the possum! Possums are very underappreciated. It reminds of Mr. Waddles, a very fat waddler of a possum who lived in our yard in Seattle. It also reminds me I have a story about a possum that I need to write about.

    Also, why did WordPress assign me the ugliest of all possible quilting squares? Bah.

    • They are, they ARE underappreciated! I don’t know how this possum stewardship of mine started (well, except for all the tiny sweetie pie possums around here that I take adorable pictures of and post everywhere on the planted. That might have contributed …) but (<see beginning of that stupid long sentence) I feel just a little like a guardian.

      Yes! A story about a possum. You DO need to write about it.

    • Umm, it is almost Thanksgiving and what better way to celebrate than with wild turkey and all the fixings….you could invite all your relatives and neighbors. The are quite faithful you know. They hardly run away from me anymore….just when I use the F word. You’d like them, Cris.

      • Truth? I think a wild turkey would be FANTASTIC, especially since A. is a crazy excellent grill nearly-Master. I bet the turkey who thought he was only coming to audition would be not so happy. (Am I anthropomorphizing too much?)

        I didn’t know they’re faithful! Do you name them? Why do they stay in your yard? I mean, do they not wander around? I know they’re smart, smart, smart. Smart as can be – A. thinks they know when they’re bugging you and just do that wild turkey snickering. There are loads of them where we come from. There are also loads of hunters, so they probably even out. The nice thing about wild turkeys is I’ve never heard of one who leaped (leapt? one of those) in front of a moving car.

  4. To be honest, they are not tender meat and they have a gamey taste. They used to only come around every now and then. They eat the fallen bird seeds that Steve has out and they love our compost heap. Then the new neighbor right next door started feeding them and the deer….a 50# bag of grain a day…..and they moved in. The neighbor left on vacation in June and won’t be back until 10/1 and so they decided they liked us enough to totally poop in our yard. They are smart, they know our voices….Steve tells them hello, I yell Get the fuck out of here and poop elsewhere…..they gobble back at me and stay right where they are. I did name the white one we had Whitey Bulger, but he died we think and the rest are just The Magnificent 7 plus 2 hens. We have hunters galore here and they aren’t afraid to trespass and poach….we kind of live in the sticks. No deaths by tire that I’ve heard of….the babies are coming out right about now….how special. So, I guess this means we don’t need to heard the potential candidates into the trailer along with the other rodents and I can put my glitter sticks away. ~sniff~

  5. I wanted to tell you that I love the quote. Because OF COURSE who will play the role of you if you are playing the role of someone else? I needed that story as a girl. I might still need that story.

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